Look Both Ways Before You Die

by Team Smile and Nod

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1.
i’ve been waiting, i’ve been waiting for you i’ve been waiting for you to come home i’ve been waiting, i’ve been waiting for you i’ve been waiting for you to come home where ya' been? you got a story for me? how was your day? i’ve been thinkin’, i’ve been thinking about i’ve been thinking about other things than the weather like whether or not you will, weather or not you will whether or not you will stay with me forever how is that weather? i been in all day... it’s really lovely to see ya'. you hold me tight you kiss me soft you make me feel you give me love you give me hope you make me feel... so-oh-so-oh-so-oh... nice. i’m glad you’re home i made ya' dinner.
2.
03:59
i pushed the off button on the telephone disconnecting me from you i hide my face in my arms it’s past my bedtime i work tomorrow early morning but i held onto your voice till’ this early morning hour i feel like a little girl hoping mom and dad won’t notice the sleepiness on my face as i get up for the day i somehow summon the strength to crawl out of bed i hop in the shower i’m thinking of you i shampoo my head i’m thinking of you i’m feeling the water fall, fall, fall i’m thinking of, thinking of you i’m thinking of, thinking of you i’m still stuck on thing of you... i dry myself off, dress up for work put on the sandalwood ya said ya love i hop in the car hoping it will start but really, i’m still stuck on thinking of you.
3.
04:22
they grow it... they grow it, they sell it... she buys it they buy it he buys it we buy it... smoke it... toke it... and she laughs and they laugh and he laughs and we laugh... and our laughter is illegal... and she feels so good and they feel so good and he feels so good and we feel so good... anything nonsensical makes sense to me anything nonsensical makes perfect sense to me i’m so paranoid, think i’ll go to sleep no wait, i’m so hungry, think i’ll make a feast... TO EAT! etc....
4.
02:56
i create new versions, to old old memories i create new visions, to replace reality to replace your hate to replace your screaming and my tears with dissociation i’m a champ at blocking out my past but how long will that last? i wish i could forget pieces i wish i could pick and choose the truth but you said what you said and i left that night screaming that i am what i am and maybe you’ll never understand cuz i am what i am and i’m not ashamed anymore. but how long will that last? and it can’t be erased like the tattoo on my arm and you can’t be erased like the tattoo on my arm... you’re my never fading scar. you’re my never fading scar. scar.
5.
white men posed in white man money we fold them in our wallets finger them in our pockets they rattle to remind us the chains that they create this capitalistic society fueled by their hate so we pass them along to buy what we need and then we pass them along to show off our greed and then we pass them along with increasing speed and then we kill for oil overseas just to control the green so now who’s got the most and what does it mean? and we’re bound to them while we spend each day filling our piggy bank wasting our strength forgetting we prolong injustice for comfort we ignore the truth of what these tokens represent the most dirty thing in this world patriarchy in print patriarchy in print oh no, oh no, oh no. so we pass them along to buy what we need and then we pass them along to show off our greed and then we pass them along with increasing speed and then we kill for oil overseas just to control the green so now who’s got the most and what does it mean? what does it mean? the fall of Rome, our inevitable repeat of history his-story his-story his-story his-story his-story his-story so we pass them along to buy what we need and then we pass them along to show off our greed and then we pass them along with increasing speed and then we kill for oil overseas just to control the green so now who’s got the most and what does it mean? what does it mean? so now so now who’s got the most? so now who’s got the most? so now who’s got the most? the BUSH FAMILY.
6.
once a consumer whore, always a whore. once a consumer whore, always a whore. i’m angry at myself cuz i’m the one thing i control i’m angry at my life cuz i live it like a consumer whore whore i could keep blaming how i grew up, the government, or tv but that’s not what i see in the mirror looking back at me looking back at me it’s just me it’s just me so i’m tired of my job, working for the man tired of scheming with all of my plans to make money fucking paper money it doesn't grow on trees, it just replaces trees so i’m angry at myself cuz i’m the one thing i control i’m angry at my life cuz i live it like a consumer whore whore whore whore so i’m tired of the sky when i look of for some hope all i see is chem-trail smoke and i choke what are chem-trails? i don’t know. that’s the governments show. we can guess but we don’t know. so i’m angry at myself cuz i’m the one thing i control i’m angry at my life cuz i live it like a consumer whore whore whore whore so maybe i should eat right refrain from refined sugar stop drinking alcohol stop smoking marijuana but i don’t wanna stop smoking marijuana no i don’t wanna i’m angry at myself cuz i’m the one thing i control i’m angry at my life cuz i live it like a consumer whore whore so i’m angry at myself cuz i’m the one thing i control i’m angry at my life cuz i live it like a consumer whore whore whore whore i’m angry at myself cuz i’m the one thing i control i’m angry at my life cuz i live it like a consumer whore whore so i’m angry at myself cuz i’m the one thing i control i’m angry at my life cuz i live it like a consumer whore whore
7.
my mother died in a movie theater her favorite place to escape from life my mother died in a movie theater and i wish and i wish and i wish and i wish and i wish, that i could join her so i planned and i scammed but i can’t, so i won’t so i tried, but i cried so i can’t, so i won’t if i could, then i would but i can’t, so i won’t so i’m here, its so clear cuz i can’t and i won’t kill myself to death kill myself to death. a gun would make it nice and fast but i’d need a license and a bunch of cash i could drive off a cliff and explode with a crash that’d be shame cuz i almost have my car paid off. so i planned and i scammed but i can’t, so i won’t so i tried, but i cried so i can’t, so i won’t if i could, then i would but i can’t, so i won’t so i’m here, its so clear cuz i can’t and i won’t kill myself to death kill myself to death. i could drink and drink and drink and drink and drink it’s so socially acceptable drink and drink and drink and drink and drink it’s so socially acceptable but then i have to pee and then i get hungry and then i eat and eat and eat and the i pass out asleep not dead sound asleep not dead so i planned and i scammed but i can’t, so i won’t so i tried, but i cried so i can’t, so i won’t if i could, then i would but i can’t, so i won’t so i’m here, its so clear cuz i can’t and i won’t kill myself to death kill myself to death. i could overdose like a real rock star found in a corner with a needle in my arm then i’d rise the charts of the popular scene a mega famous rebel idol for preteens i’d be a star but i’d be dead a mega star and very dead. so i planned and i scammed but i can’t, so i won’t so i tried, but i cried so i can’t, so i won’t if i could, then i would but i can’t, so i won’t so i’m here, its so clear cuz i can’t and i won’t kill myself to death kill myself to death. in summary, i don’t really wish to die it’s just sometimes i feel alone and i miss oblivion and i miss my mom so i guess i’ll settle for a slow and miserable hypocritical, fantastic, beautiful joyful, mystical, love filled, lyrical surprising, delighting, exciting, and magical death called life i’ll settle for a death called life every breath closer to death called life every breath...life.
8.
eventually my heart is gonna stop eventually they’ll have to burn me up eventually my heart is gonna stop eventually they’ll have to burn me up cuz we’re all gonna die the one thing certain in this life, yeah we’re all gonna die it’s the one thing certain in this life eventually my heart is gonna stop eventually my body parts will rot unless of course my wish fulfilled and i become an ash filled urn and spread upon the sea cuz we’re all gonna die the one thing certain in this life, yeah we’re all gonna die it’s the one thing certain in this life eventually our hearts are gonna stop so i guess we ought to live it up take a risk, take a spill open up, relax and chill talk about unmentionables let it rock, let it roll speak up, speak out, and loose control be who you want to be be what you want to be cuz we’re all gonna die the one thing certain in this life, yeah we’re all gonna die it’s the one thing certain in this life.
9.
04:08
we fly through seasons falling leaves and silent rains burn into our existence. driving past cities with names i’d like to taste the soft contours of your body distract me from the lazy lines of the road. but i will wait for darkness. the bitter october wind rushes over our summer-stained skin we shiver out of habit before a blanket of crescent moon shadows flicker over us as we near the black of night. but i will wait for darkness. cold coffee breeds your insomnia you drink methodically and try to ignore your kerouac collection shifting restlessly in the back seat. but i will wait for darkness. the urgency of your desire pulls at my exhaustion while your hand hugs the familiarity of my thigh and releases only long enough to change the song on the radio when you can no longer remember the words. and i will wait for darkness. well, all the answers leading back to one one question, one moment a thought in time where do they hide what's always been mine we’ll go and go and go... and just drive.
10.
01:25
little pig squirming, squirming, squirming little pig shocked until he’s dead little pig spinning, spinning, spinning little pig burning on a stick little pig burning, spinning, burning little pig spinning over tall flame they cut him and they dice him and they pull him apart they gnaw on his flesh they leave his cooked heart.
11.
01:35
95 lives, 95 lives meat eaters take for their appetite 95 lives, 95 lives all the animals die 95 lives, 95 lives meat eaters take for their appetite for just one year, for just one year for just one carnivore 95 lives a hamburger is actually a cow who once mooed bacon was once a pig who liked to roll in the mud and probably didn’t get to fried chicken was a bird who wished he could run around and deli meats had guts and bones and screamed when they were killed! 95 lives, 95 lives meat eaters take for their appetite 95 lives, 95 lives all the animals die 95 lives, 95 lives meat eaters take for their appetite for just one year, for just one year for just one carnivore 95 lives
12.
05:53
we laugh at ourselves as we profess all this hate we possess and can’t help but express how we really feel finally to someone who won’t judge so i give you my heart as my truth my words as my definition persisting that i really am good even tho... even tho, you know... so maybe you really will stay with me and maybe you really do believe my drunken words my stoned out ramblings my freak outs my curses even tho... even tho, you know... so we smile and we laugh and we exchange these fears with lust for freedom from them and knowledge that will never impress anyone except you and me you and me, babe. even tho... even tho, you know...
13.
05:38
your hands are so soft your arms so open i am lying here hiding myself in your warmth you’re concerned cuz i got this look on my face i am scared of what i feel after shutting myself off but ah... it feels good it feels so damn good... maybe i can’t quite explain myself but you had to feel me tremble when you kissed me and you had to see my eyes fixed so intensely on you yeah so take that clue my baby, yeah take that clue my katie, yeah take that clue my lady... your hands are so soft your arms so open i am lying here hiding myself in your warmth you’re concerned cuz i got this look on my face i am scared of what i feel after shutting myself off but ah... it feels good it feels so damn good... now i want you trust that feeling you have i want you to listen to your your gut cuz i’m letting myself feel i am letting myself fall i am gonna get out of this rut i am letting myself feel i am letting myself fall to the ground i am gonna get out of this out of this out of this rut i am letting myself feel. cuz your hands are so soft your arms so open i am lying here hiding myself in your warmth you’re concerned cuz i got this look on my face i am scared of what i feel after shutting myself off but ah... it feels good it feels so damn good...
14.
03:01
i’d rather be a scrooge and like myself then pretend for you i’m not christian and i’d rather not be wished merry christmas and after that let’s just skip all that pointless talk of work and by the way this girl next to me is my partner we’ve been together 6 years and she’s not my fucking roommate to make it more clear we are lesbians i’m not ashamed and you really should not be ashamed either i’d rather be a scrooge and like myself then pretend for you you may say you’ve never seen me so selfish but i say, but i say i’ve never been so honest to myself if you’re honest you know you really don’t like me either so what’s the point... of us all so what’s the point of us hanging around together i’d rather be a scrooge and like myself then pretend for you
15.
03:37
we can hardly talk we can hardly see each other when family meets you can hardly look over my way i can hardly get myself to stay i heard your words through the grapevine you heard my words from my mouth now i’m tired of being hurt now i’m tired of being left out so... fuck you... so you thought that we would cause a scene so you didn’t invite us to your big party but we don’t even know what you mean by a scene unless you mean unless you mean unless you are ashamed that your sister’s a big lesbian unless you mean unless you mean our existing unless you mean unless you mean our existing so... fuck you... here’s the scene you dreamed. we can hardly talk we can hardly see each other when family meets you can hardly look over my way i can hardly get myself to stay fuck you.
16.
03:00
please don’t go if you go i’ll be alone that’s no fun. your eyes are the ocean i know it’s cliché your eyes are my ocean i want to swim all day. please don’t go if you go i’ll be alone that’s no fun. your mind is the sea of great mystery your mind is my sea i want to go swimming. so please don’t go instead let’s swim in a tub if you go i’ll have to swim alone that’s no fun. i don’t wanna be alone i don’t wanna be alone i don’t wanna be alone cuz it really isn’t fun.
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about

"Their sound is sophisticated, playful, melodic and extremely engaging… they have produced an emotionally compelling sound for the future that is distinctly their own.”

Jon Peterson, Host, "Shakin It" WCBE/ Columbus

credits

released November 8, 2008

team smile and nod is: kara e. sherman and rich ratvasky

*cover art and logos by jesse smith.
*photos by katie miller.
*design by kara with katie and rich's help.

*all of the lyrics are by kara e. sherman, except "on the road" which is by katie miller.
*all of the musical melodies are by kara e. sherman, except for "scar", "we're all gonna die", "so damn good", "the party", and "swimming" which are co-written by rich ratvasky. the music for "they grow it" was solely written by rich ratvasky.
*"they dub it" is a remix by arch_typ [courtesy of debris du funk/ ASCAP]
*"still stuck REMIX" is a lismore remix.
*"so damn good(er) REMIX" is by rich ratvasky.

©&®2008 Thinkroot Records/ ASCAP TRR01111

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Team Smile and Nod Columbus

Team Smile and Nod is an electro folk pop duo from Columbus, Ohio that formed in 2004. About a week after swapping demo CDs, Rich Ratvasky (artist-producer) surprised Kara E. Sherman (singer-songwriter) with a remix of one of her songs. Inspired by the remix, they merged their musical styles into an upbeat, melody-driven, politically-inspired fusion. ... more

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